Stanley Siegel, LCSW – 20 Questions to Help You Identify Your Sexual Fantasies

Do you really understand your sexual fantasies?

Answer these questions to identify your true desires.

  •  What do you think about during sex?

  • What do you think about when you masturbate?

  • Is there a central or main fantasy?

  • Does the main theme change or remain the same?

  • What mental image or thought actually brings you to climax?

  • What is the specific plot or story line in your fantasies?

  • Do you think about sex with people other than your partner? Past partners or strangers?

Naúl Ojeda, "Rite of Spring 1982"
Naúl Ojeda, “Rite of Spring 1982”


  • How would you describe the characters in your fantasy?

  • What action are you taking in your fantasy?

  • How are other people acting towards you?

  • What is your attitude in the fantasy? What is the attitude of the other person(s) involved?

  • What sexual thoughts do you have that embarrass you?

  • What sexual feelings bring you shame or guilt?

  • What are you thinking about when you can’t climax?

  • What fantasies have you already acted out? What was the result?

  • Have you had a sexual experience that you continue to fantasize about? What in particular was so exciting about the experience?

  • Do your sexual fantasies include force?

  • Do you focus on body parts such as breasts or penises? Which ones?

  • Are articles of clothing, such as shoes, leather, scarves or lingerie, part of your fantasy? How are they used?

  • Are your partners of the same or opposite sex?


Stanley Siegel, Intelligent Lust.

From Your Brain and Sex: How Smarter Sex Can Change Your Life.

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