Carol Adams – Why?

A narrative from a survivor of ritual abuse

I want to know why.

"Sight Unseen II" by Ali Cavanaugh
“Sight Unseen II” by Ali Cavanaugh

I want to know why he did it.

Why he did it over and over and over again.

Why did he have to hurt me that much.

Why he laughed in the face of my pain.

Why he told me repeatedly that he is only having sex with me because I want it.

Why he convinced my very young self that my physical reactions to him proved him right.

Why he did it so many times.

Why by day and by night.

Why both, as a reward and a punishment.

Why nothing stopped him, not even my  period.

Why Mom let.

Why Mom joined him.

Why he made me do it with Mom while he watched.

Why he did it with his friends. (I don’t mean he and his friends with each other, but he and his friends with me.)

Why did he do that to me.

I want to know why.

Carol Adams

Carol is happily married to the love of her life and is a proud mother of three beautiful children. She works hard every single day on her journey towards health as a 32-year-old survivor of 20 years of ritual abuse. She can be contacted with feedback at

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